This is a post that will require a lot of prayer while I write it. Just the fact that I am writing about a battle indicates that this is a "hot" issue, and I am trying to be so soft. I'm not always succeeding, but I am, believe it or not, always trying.
My energy healer has talked to me about "guru" energies in my field. This does NOT refer to any particular guru, specifically, at least not in my interpretation, and not in what I'm talking about now, unless I specify otherwise, which I may in a moment. As he has explained them to me, these "guru" energies are energies that require dogma. They require adherence to them as the pathway to God, rather than adhering to the inner knowing, the inner self, the teacher within, the guru within. Not all people who are considered Gurus carry this kind of energy - many powerful Gurus incarnate on the planet now are people doing the true work of a teacher, which is to lead the student to an inner knowing, the inner self, the teacher within. In the role of the Guru, it is their job to point out pitfalls and problems, to let the student know when they have lost their way or gotten caught up in phenomena that don't matter, and to gently further the student's education by teaching them more and more. I consider these people to be Gurus, with the Capital G.
Now these other gurus, small g, kind of go on a power trip. They figure out that they have a certain amount of knowledge, mystique, charisma, whatever. And instead of teaching, which requires a whole lot of mistake-making and experimenting on the part of the student, these gurus create dogma which require a whole lot of adherence to the teachings of the guru. The guru claims that he/she/it has the only true teachings and the only true way to God. And many many many people, myself included, fall prey to the guru and attempt to adhere to the teachings.
These gurus don't have to be physical entities who we sit and pray and chant with, although they do sometimes take on that manifestation. They can be authors of books, or neighbors, or ministers, or elementary school teachers. We can encounter them as children or adults. What matters is whether or not we allow them to attach to us, energetically. And, more importantly, whether we allow ourselves to attach to them.
My energy healer said, laughing, as he always does (how can you not adore someone who chuckles and hums while they work?), that I seem to have had a lot of these guru attachments during my lifetime. "Not a bad thing," he said, "I used to have a lot myself. Just something to be aware of." (That, my friends, is the neutral point! sweet awareness!) And I can see that - oh how I can see that! And that's another post, my lifelong love affair with gurus.
To get back to the Battle of the Diet, because I think this is so important. I have had a guru attachment to the organization I have worked for for the past 7 years. Naturally, right? This has been a tricky alliance, because I am not a naturally dogmatic person, and this organization is one that demands a rather devout adherence to the rules. And that's OK, that's how organizations survive! I have nothing against that. But here's where it gets a little trickier:
In March of 2003, my inner knowing, my inner teaching, led me to the world of Raw Vegan Food. I fell in love with another guru! My, how I fell in love. This was the guru I had been waiting for all my life. Problem being: My old guru was not so very "pro" raw vegan food. As a matter of fact, he was pretty "anti" raw vegan food. He was pretty anti-vegetarian in general, believing a vegetarian diet makes people weak and soft. Maybe it does, and that's not what he's looking for in his organization. I happen to disagree with his position, now, but before I met my Raw Food guru, I totally believed my old guru's position. My transition to a Raw Vegan diet was a total road-to-Damascus conversion - I saw the light, and I was HEALED!!!
So now I had a problem. I had 2 gurus attached in to me, with absolutely, diametrically opposed views on food and nutrition. I mean, you couldn't find 2 people more at odds. I think if you sat them down together and made them talk to each other, they would both agree on maybe 3 things: 1) the other guy is an idiot; 2) they have all the answers; 3) nobody needs to eat as much as we do in our western culture. And I think that would be about it. Living with this battle going on inside of me was difficult to say the least. I have tried doing the work of the organization, without following its nutritional dogma (which is strange - to attempt to pick and choose which bits of dogma work for you and which don't. Isn't adherence adherence? I struggle with this big time). I have left the organization to follow the Raw Food guru, and soon discovered that that emperor wasn't wearing as many clothes as he thought he was, either. I've come back to the organization and formed an uneasy alliance - how to be a leader giving different instruction without getting caught and knowing that other people are looking to me and saying the dogma back at me. Very strange. Very difficult.
And difficult within myself. If I disagree with the organization or the leader this much about this thing, where is the line? And I disagree with the other guy, too. Hmmm. Do I abandon both? Is there truth in both?
The problem is: my inner knowing tells me to eat a Raw Vegan Diet. And not just any ol' raw vegan diet, but I found a NEW guru! A guru without guru attachments, actually, at least not to me. Maybe a guru who I could consider a Guru. Someone who doesn't demand compliance, just suggests a good plan and then gives you such a strong argument for it, it's like a big ol' smack in the forehead "well D'UH!" Neither of the other 2 diet guru energies are very happy about this. One guru is telling me just to eat Mcdonald's and the work I'm doing will nourish me from that. The other guru is telling me to eat superfoods and trip out on raw chocolate to give my body super-nutrition. Both claim that their plan will take me to a higher consciousness. (This new Guru just says his plan will make my body work better. I like that.) But with so little ME in me, just 6% a week ago, up to maybe 70% today it feels like, it's not a battle I can fight effectively, so I end up in a compromise: cooked vegan food, most of it pretty junky. It's the vegan version of Mcdonald's!
So now what? Having left the organization, I'm working on kicking these guru attachments out. Not just these 2, these are just the only ones that care what I eat. And they just aren't going quietly. I've stopped trying to force myself to eat the way I really want to, because it's just too much of a battle still, and I can only do so much. The cooked food really does numb you out, and with all that's going on around me, a little numb-out seems like an ok thing. I sat with my body the other day, with my Sacral Center, and I asked how much longer it needed before we could get back to "my" way of eating. "4 days" it grunted back. 4 days. OK. I can wait 4 more days. 4 days to get strong enough, 4 days to fill up my Me tank, 4 days to move these energies fully out of my field.
This might sound all new-agey woo-woo, maybe too much, but substitute the word "beliefs" for guru, or "thoughts." A guru doesn't have to be a person, because really the only thing that matters is how strongly you attach to it, and how strongly you allow it to attach to you. Your own thoughts are your own guru, positive or negative. So I'm working on moving the negative thoughts out to make room for my positive thoughts.
But I really like (and feel) this whole guru idea. It makes sense to me.
So the Battle of My Diet is being prepared. I'm gonna win.
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